linger

i called one of my so-called "bestfriends" this evening. we talked over the phone while we were still at the cemetery. he happens to be one of my son's godfather. anyway, it was nice to know that he's doing okay now. i really miss him. i also admire him for his bravery. i don't suppose he realizes how brave he is than i am. oh well...

i'm glad to know that we're about to keep in touch again. hehe... like old times. although we never really actually did back then. even so... nanun kippunimnida... haengbok'animnida. hehe...

playtime

i bought niko 2 new puzzles yesterday. i'm glad he liked it. actually, he really loves to play with it. and he's not stopping... at least it's educational, not like just playing cars... hehehe.

Just looking around...

revise what i said a few months ago (cold summer nights). i'm looking for work now. at least i want to experience earning myself some money for niko's college fund (that is if i get there.. hehehe) -- what an awful thing to say! sometimes, i wanna join Game Ka Na Ba? or Deal or No Deal to win a million or more. actually, i do rather want to like right now. oh well....

looking for work is the challenge every person encounters. i am challenged. since i'm having a hard time applying for one in this hospital i know. unfortunately, there are no vacancies as of the moment. now, they're referring me to this company that my father used to work for. i really don't want to work there. even as they say they are in need of computer encoders. i'll have to pass.

most of my former classmates are working there. my father used to work there until one day, he got paid. fired. rumor has it that the said company got reformated--whatever that means!?! oh well.... but if there'll be no jobs in gensan available, that'd probably have to be my last resort. as of now, i'm well.... weighing my options. i do have plans to take medical transcription though... it'll only be for 6 mos. i hear the pay is big... now, that's a different story. till then...

Cold Summer Night...

what does happiness mean exactly? does it mean enjoying your time hangin' out with your friends? Or just being yourself before the world? for me... i'd take the second choice. coz you can't enjoy your time with everyone if you're someone that you're not. i can't be myself when i'm around my family. because i'm never happy when i'm around them. they make me hate myself every second of every minute of every hour of my entire life. they just don't realize it. i've been planning to kill myself for over 3 months now. just can't get the right timing. oh well, my goal is within this month or the next perhaps.. being so unhappy with my life without anyone noticing it makes me feel so blue. just sitting around, watching tv alone the whole day is happy and enjoying to me. i wanna break free!!! be free of everything! like an eagle flying feet above the ground. i hate my life!!!!

every saturday night, my family and i go to church... all i pray is to die one day.... or to get sick causing my death... so it'd be a happily ever after for my family... besides, no one wants me around except for Niko.... 1 is not enough for a person like me... i need more.... i wish i die tomorrow...

First Rain Of The Month

First day, first rain of the month.... our family believes that the first rain of the month of May heals a lot of wounds. In other words, gamot daw. Anyway, my brother and me with Niko took a shower in the rain sa veranda. Ang saya-saya ni Niko! He really enjoyed the rain. I took a picture of him with kuya with the plant as their background. HAHAHAHA! COOL! I'll try to add the pictures here one of these days. As of now, we're still enjoying the rain! Chigum pi ga omnida!

Asar

I never thought our friendship would turn out this way. I mean he and I are close and real friends. It's just that he seems to avoid me now. That's because of the email my bitchy sister sent him. Akala niya cguro hindi ko alam lahat. For her information, lahat sa'min eh bulgar. We don't keep secrets from each other. But I'm not taking that privilege forgranted. I respect his privacy. I ask for his permission din. hehe

Rainy season

I got sick last Sunday, right after Nancy left for Cagayan. I'm feeling a bit fine now, although I still have a bad cough. This is because of the rainy season. I hate the rainy season. Kasi when it's a rainy season, it's also a season for flu and fever. Everyone in the house gets sick. I hate it when I'm sick! I can't go to school, I can't walk around that much, and I'm always in bed!

It's good to have a goodnight sleep when you don't have to worry about anything. But when you're sick, when you have a bad cough like mine, it's seems impossible to sleep. It's hard to breathe because your nostrils are clogged. Badtrip!

A walk to remember

Yesterday after class, I had to do the groceries for the house. I asked a friend of mine, to accompany me and help me with my grocery list. His name is Josh. He and I had been friends for 3 1/2 yrs. Anyway, we went to Gaisano first to buy some of the items that weren't available in KCC. He had some buying to do there as well, so I came along with him quite well. After that, we went to KCC for the rest of the grocery items.

It was my first time to be with a friend doing some groceries. It was so cool and was so much fun! It also made my shopping easier 'coz he had to do the cart pushing while I do the "picking up the pieces". Hehe.. Lucky Me!!! :p . Well, at least he gave me a hand. He said he didn't have any class till 1 pm. Besides, at least I stopped him from going to the gym for a minute. He always go to the gym. He says he goes there 3 or 4 times a week...! OMG talaga! Someone's obsessed with his figure, that's for sure! I just wish that he wouldn't overdo it though. I can tell that his body's complaining already. LET ME REST!

Why are all men like that? I mean, why can't men be just happy with what they have with their bodies and not be so obsessed with having such big muscles?

Too bad his girlfriend isn't here... Isn't here to see what her boyfriend is doing to his body. If I were her, I'd ask him to minimize gym and maximize rest. Have fun for a change. Being in a gym 3 or 4 times a week isn't exactly my kind of definition of fun. Duh!

stepping stone

hi! i'm back again. i'm sorry if it took me a while to create a new post. it's just that i've been to busy these days that i sorta forget to write.

anyway, i'm doing good. but i'm still a bit depressed, and i don't know why. i've been learning a new language these past few weeks. "hangul", which is korean to be exact. it's fun to know a new language every once in a while. my korean vocabulary is widening. tita grace is amaze how easily i can pick up the words by just watching korean series (undubbed) while by just reading english subtitles. last monday, i introduced her to this korean friend of mine. take note, i spoke in korean. aliw daw sabi nya! it's funny how you can fool people with words. especially if they're foreign. but my grammar was correct, in fairness! haha.

i'm planning to invite him and his wife over. there's something pulling me from doing so. a clean house. the house a mess. so is my room. definitely my room. oh well. i guess i'll need a major clean-up before i invite them in. dad's ok with the whole idea, but i have to clean up the mess first. oh well... i know i'll get through this. somehow.

Birthday Blast!

Today is my elder brothers' birthday. He's old. Yeah... Real old! He's 29.

We celebrated his birthday lastnight. He thought it'd be convenient for his friends who'll work tomorrow. Anyway, all his friends came over, but not a single soul gave him a present for his 29th birthday... except me, ofcourse. I had this idea of giving him a decoy as a gift. hahaha. anyhow, i bought 3 boxes of 3-in-one briefs. Instead of giving it to him directly, i added a little creativity.

i had this idea of making it look like a toy. like those collector's item thingy -- well, instead of giving him a toy, i made those boxes look like one. i got him fooled! he thought it'd be an action figure or some kind. he was so excited until he saw that i had just used the board of these action figures that he had opened before, and stick the boxes to it. So it would look like an action fig from behind. He should've seen the look on his face of how excited he was!! I mean, what was he thinking?!!! I couldn't afford to buy an action figure! I'm not that rich! and even if I was, I still wouldn't do it.

A long weekend

Niko likes to play a lot. When I say "a lot", it means A LOT! He's so makulit pero cutiepie parin. Siyempre. Kanino pa ba siya magmamana kundi ke mama. hahaha! ;p .

It's been a long day, and I still feel depressed about the changes that has happened (and still happening) in my life. Perhaps the thought of it overwhelms me so much that I can't contain it. Hmmm.... Before everything was so simple, everything wasn't that complicated and the world wasn't that cold towards me until he arrived. I guess that's the real reason behind all this. I guess so.

I'm just wondering though.... When will this feeling of emptiness end? When will the world be a warm place for me to live in again? When will this all end? : ((

Life's greatest challenge

it's been a long while since i last wrote in this blog, huh? and i really missed posting all that had happened in my life. well, to start with... i now have a young boy in my life. as you can see, he's very cute and adorable. he's even photogenic. he's name is Marco Nikolai, and he is my one and only son (i have no plans of adding another. hehe!).

anyway, he's already 9 months and 11 days old. i have to admit. being a single parent wasn't how i expected it to be. well at first i thought it was going to be easy. but as time past, it became difficult to manage. i mean, the older he gets, the more energetic he is. i become futile sometimes, that it makes me frustrated at the same time. ahhhh!!!!!!! grrrrr! but i must say, it's a bit enjoying as well....

waking up in the middle of the night and changing his diapers after that or nursing him or making him a bottle of milk after that, made me annoyed of him. at first (hehe!). but i got used to it now. it isn't as hard as it was back then. you can say that i'm getting the hang of it na. my advice to those who want to have one, don't have one. because once you get them, there's no turning back. i mean it's for good! nah! i'm just kidding. it's very rewarding. they're fun to be with -- when they're in their right moods. but when they're not, well there's always plan b. :)

June 15, 2005

11 pm... I can feel the contractions are getting pretty serious.. Ahhh.... Shit! It hurts like HELL!!! So I call on Dr. Mocay Heramil, ask for instructions on how to deal with this kind of pain.

11:30 pm... I wake up Dad. He was sleeping like a princess on the couch! (Zzzzz...) Then I asked him to bring me to the clinic immediately. They pack-up my things for me. I had to take a bath before we could leave the house, ofcourse.

11:35 am... We reached the clinic and had myself checked. Youch!!! It hurts me even more!!! IE.. I hate IE!

12 am... We reached HHMH (Howard Hubbard Memorial Hospital). Got admitted to the hospital.

1 am... I was admitted to the delivery room.

3 am... I felt more pain! Someone get me a doctor here! Quick!

3:30 am... Tan..Tan..Tan..Tan..Tan..Tanan!!!! Oh, Here comes the head! Woops! Went back again. Aww! That's gotta hurt! The real pain shows up. Take Note: Giving birth isn't a natural easy one-way-out process!

4:07 am... Congratulations!! You have a healthy baby boy!!

April 04, 2005

Ate is already in Hong Kong! She's now flying to Melbourne. Huhu!

Sabi nya mawala-wala raw siya sa airport ng Hong Kong, dahil sa laki ng airport dun. Ganetch?! HeHe.

She's leaving on a jet plane....

Exactly 11:30 am, ate left for Cebu. She's going to stay there overnight and then leave for Hong Kong the night after that. It saddens me that she's already leaving for Melbourne and stay there for good. Pero she said she'll be coming back within this year - hindi nga lang niya alam kung kelan. Hmmm....

Tomorrow night naman, she'll be leaving for Melbourne. I hope she comes back as soon as possible. I miss her so much! :-((

Stuck in the middle

Tomorrow after or before lunch I'm leaving with my elder bro and my dad to cdo. I feel like I'm cut in half. I wish to stay with the puppies, but then again I also want to go there for a quick shopping. I want to shop for the puppies. weird ba? funny ba? oh well.... iba-iba tayong lahat eh! hehe.


Before we leave, I'll be sending for our vet, ate Edith, to check on the puppies and to give them antiox again. I know they had that the other day pa. but I want to make sure muna that they're all okay. Ate Edith says that it's ok and that it would be better if they'd get clean again inside-out. Hindi pa naman sila pwedeng liguan, punasan lang. I have to do this for their own good din. Kasi 3 puppies got disoriented kasi and threw up. What's more disturbing is kasabay ding lumabas ang mga uod mula sa loob. It might sound disgusting for you, but it makes me more concern about them. :(


I played with them this afternoon and carried them close to my heart one-by-one. I think they feel or they already know that I'll be leaving tomorrow. Pero it'll be just until this Saturday. Babalik din ako agad. I can't just leave them behind. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!! I always tell them that and never forget to mention that to them always. I know they love me too. Siyempre kasi mahal na mahal ko sila and I never forget to visit and take care of them everyday and everynight. Bahala na if my family would complain about it. I don't care! X(


Sige. That's all for tonight. I have to check on my babies pa eh. I know they're all asleep now. Even so..... :)

My Passion

I can't deny that I'm a bit obsessed and protective of the puppies. I'm also very caring for all of them. It's just that I've been so much in love with them that I sometimes forget what I am. Knowing that there would come a day, a few of them would be given away or sold, makes my heart and soul sore. My motherly instincts has taken its toll on me. It's changing a bit of my personality. The thought of it affects my whole personality. I don't want to give them away or sell them! Snowy will get very lonely and sad not having her puppies around her. I will get very lonely and sad if they died, were given away or sold! :((


I wish my family would just let them stay until they grow old with us instead. But until that day hasn't come yet, I will protect them, take good care of them, play with them and love all of them for who and what they are. I will never expect too much from them, for they will be the ones who will expect much from me.

As of now, they are all happy and healthy babies. They'll get their antiox and get cleaned tomorrow morning. Next week they'll be three weeks of age! Wow! My babies do grow up so fast!!! :) I am so amazed. Next week I'll also have them checked again.

I've already made up my mind. I'm going to take Veterinary Medicine next school year (next year).

Irresistible puppies!

Three weeks ago our dog, Snowy, gave birth to 6 irresistible puppies. Four of which are black, one brown and the other is somewhat cream or lighter brown. There are 4 male pups and 2 female pups. I really adore these babies! Would you believe I almost treat them as my own?! Hehehe.

Everynight, I check on them. hold each one close to my heart, play with them and feed them as well every once in a while (or when i hear 1 crying for food). I'm beginning to think that Snowy's getting jealous because of the time i've given to her beautiful puppies. She might be thinking that i'm replacing her with her obligations to her babies. But i'm not. It's just that i'm such an animal lover and i can't resist holding one in my chest!! ahhhh!!!! It's really in my nature..... My gift.... My curse..... ---Uh? Not my curse. Wrong word. sorry. ---My passion....

Snowy's getting a hang of what i'm doing for her now. But sad to say, she no longer feel like or want to nurse them. Sometimes. this i have to get used to or maybe never. That's her job not mine. I must say, i have to break the rules sometimes. just in case she's not around for our babies. See what's wrong with me? I'm a human being who wants to nurse puppies, literally speaking. hehehe.... Weird huh? I know...

Well, that's all for now. Hope you liked it. I still don't have any pics of my babies as of the moment though. So sorry. I'll try to the next time around.

March 3, 2005!

dear diary,
it's my defense of my thesis A! i haven't even slept since last night?! that's because i was so busy finishing the first chapters (1,2&3) of my thesis, i somehow forgot that i was tired and sleepy. oh well..... wish me luck!

being pressured....

i'm having a hard time with my thesis. --with all the pressure and all. it's a good thing that my sister, Lam , is around to criticize my work and help me improve my thesis. i'm really lucky having her as my sister. but i don't think she's lucky having me around? or maybe, it could turn out to be the other way around?.

i wish i can this overwith. so i'd never think of anything else but my application for graduating students, and then i can get a job or probably visit my sister in Australia. well coz she'll be residing there with new family. and you know.... i still have that plan i told you about. hehehehehe. :)

thoughts

I've been thinking about studying abroad for quite a while. I can't seem to get it out of my head. I've been searching on the internet about this scholarship in Australia, mainly in Victoria. My sister's family is living there, so it'd be a convenience for a place to stay. I wonder if my Dad would allow me to study abroad? hmmmm....

I plan to take Marine Biology or any Veterinary Science field on it. I've always wanted to be around different animals since I was a young girl. if my Dad allows me to study there, it'll be the best gift ever! -- it would be the first time i'd be miles away from him. I hope he does. I really want to be a veterinarian or a marine biologist someday.

Let's just hope that I get that scholarship. cross fingers.

bad lady

It's past 5am in the morning, my sister was asleep while i was busy writing this in a piece of paper. when an employee (i think she was the cashier or something like that) called for my sister. the funny part there was instead of asking if my sister was in, she said, "is your mom awake?". i got a bit pissed off but its really no biggy. anyway, i woke my sister to entertain her. then i told her what 'that girl' told me. my sister was shocked while i was lol. hehe. ofcourse. why wouldn't she be? coz everyone in the hospital knows that she had just recently gotten married. duh??!! she is so bad. funny in a way, but bad. my sister doesn't look that old?! mind her, she could've been just mistaken with the words she used since she came early that morning. she could still be half asleep while walking. hehee

darn hobby

i'm in the hospital right now, helping my elder sister with her job. it's fun in a way... but sometimes i get a bit bored afterwards.

i had just finished refilling a box of a medicine in the medicine
shelf as my sister had asked me to do for her. somehow i managed to finish a part of my homework, which is my new hobby. cross-stiching.

i've had this kit since last year. still, i haven't really finished the whole thing. hmmmmm.... hehe.. :) . darn hobby! well, it's not really complicated, in case you're wondering. i just don't have enough mood to get it quite done. that's all. :(