crash!

i miss hanging out with him. he left for manila early this morning. hmmm.. didn't even bother to text me if he got there safely or not. grrr! i don't know why i gave him the heirloom my dead cousin gave me years ago last night. i don't know what got into me. hmm.. cousin must've told me so.. oh i don't know. but i know one day i'll find out why. i hope.

i can't seem to get over the mem'ries he left me. it left a mark on me.. scars.. deep scars.. they weren't bad mem'ries though but good ones. the best i ever had! i miss him.. badly.. i hate missing people though coz i can't sleep or think right. argh! this isn't good. oh well... time for me to go home now and to go to sleep.

songs for the day

confused? trying to make sense of it all

i am so confused here! i don't know what to do anymore. there's someone in my thoughts that i can't seem to get over. ugh!! this is bad! this is very bad!! i've fallen... fallen big time! argh!! and i kept telling myself not to...


coz in the eyes of many, this is wrong. a sin maybe. well one pretty good sin, i might add. haha. oh well...

what the fuck am i doing??? should i tell him or should i just let this pass??? grrrr!! ottokke?? ottokajyo? what to do?? what to do??? what should i do???

MY BUCKETLIST

1. JUST BE ME without worrying about what other people may think of me or say about me.
2. Be FREE
3. to have all my compositions recorded
4. to have my own concert on my birthday next year
5. meet, greet, and collab music with usher & ryan cayabyab, etc
6. perform on stage with my musical inspirations
7. a swim with the sharks (in a cage or in an aquarium)
8. go to africa to observe nature
9. pet a wild cat in africa with a good friend or with a clique (if i have one!)
10. visit and pray in all temples of japan and korea
11. climb the himalayas with a special someone (new or old friend or hmmm...hehe)
12. learn how to speak italian, korean and jap fluently
13. taj mahal
14. go to Boracay, Batanes and Palawan with someone special
15. canada: pay a visit to my godparents and major; minnesota: pay a visit to our relatives
16. go visit my sisters in the states and in australia
17. be happy and contented with life!!
18. learn how to forgive
19. learn how to forget
20. learn how to be REALLY HAPPY and stay happy as long as possible

21. meet someone inspiring

The Bitch Who Gives Clues As To How She Really Feels For Just About Everyone!

If I Hate You, then I'll either slap you with my words or literally slap you in the face, turn around and walk away from you.


If I Like You, then I'll answer all your questions directly no strings attached. I may kiss you passionately, but then, that'll just be like a smack for me.


If I Love You, I won't say it. Though I'll just keep informing you how i'm doing through text or email. I'll Let You Kiss Me passionately but that'll just be it. I won't let you Fuck Me. I maybe a Bitch, But This Bitch Got Rules! Ya Feelin' Me?


But If I've Fallen In Love With You, I Won't Say It Directly To Your Face. Only I'll send you a text message that says:


You Won't See Me Anymore Cause I'm Never Coming Back

Heartache

how long must i keep loving you?

how much time do you think we have

  before you realize, before you notice that i'm no longer by your side?

because you know, i'll be trying to move on

  even though i can't carry on living like this

to your eyes, it may seem that i am happy and alive

but that's a lie! just a lie!

how many tears must i shed for you (my heart) in order to break free?

how many lies must i keep telling myself (i'm alright) when the lie itself is killing me?

cause when a heart is aching, nothing seems to matter anymore

and while you're trying to mend it, everything just pains through your soul

how long must i keep loving you?

how long must i even care?

how long must i keep paining through whenever i see you're no longer there?

because you know, i'm trying to move on

  even though i can't carry on living like this

and to your eyes, it may appear that i am happy and alive

but that's a lie! just a lie!

cause when a heart is aching, nothing seems to matter anymore

and while you're trying to mend it, everything just pains through your soul

cause when your heart is aching, when your heart is breaking, life doesn't seem to be life anymore

and while you're trying to mend, trying to rebuild, the more you fall, sinking to the floor...

cause when your heart is aching, when your heart is breaking, life doesn't seem to matter anymore

and while you're trying to mend, keep trying to rebuild it, the more you fall, sinking to the floor...

fin

HARSH REALITY

falling can sometimes be a good thing. it feels great. your days seem complete and secure and your nights aren't that cold anymore. but other times, it's not. it's awful. it hurts so much it makes you wanna regret. it hurts so much that it makes you wished you hadn't. 

 ironic, isn't it? yeah... tell me about it.

nan sarangeul molla

the pains of falling apart because of falling in love....