i don't know if there is such a word that could describe what i'm feeling right now. it's indescribably annoying and painful at the same time. i didn't plan on telling anyone friends or even family about this pain. this depression had been with me for 18 yrs. it'll turn 19th this year. i just hope i don't die while niko's very young, like this. i don't think that it'll be fair for him.
there are times that i want to accept him and hold him in my arms. hold him in my arms like i never did before. why am i feeling this way? so confused, lonely, depressed, and keep isolating myself from every living thing around me? why? why?
when will i know the reason why? when will all this hatred in me end? when? :(
