linger

i called one of my so-called "bestfriends" this evening. we talked over the phone while we were still at the cemetery. he happens to be one of my son's godfather. anyway, it was nice to know that he's doing okay now. i really miss him. i also admire him for his bravery. i don't suppose he realizes how brave he is than i am. oh well...

i'm glad to know that we're about to keep in touch again. hehe... like old times. although we never really actually did back then. even so... nanun kippunimnida... haengbok'animnida. hehe...

playtime

i bought niko 2 new puzzles yesterday. i'm glad he liked it. actually, he really loves to play with it. and he's not stopping... at least it's educational, not like just playing cars... hehehe.

Just looking around...

revise what i said a few months ago (cold summer nights). i'm looking for work now. at least i want to experience earning myself some money for niko's college fund (that is if i get there.. hehehe) -- what an awful thing to say! sometimes, i wanna join Game Ka Na Ba? or Deal or No Deal to win a million or more. actually, i do rather want to like right now. oh well....

looking for work is the challenge every person encounters. i am challenged. since i'm having a hard time applying for one in this hospital i know. unfortunately, there are no vacancies as of the moment. now, they're referring me to this company that my father used to work for. i really don't want to work there. even as they say they are in need of computer encoders. i'll have to pass.

most of my former classmates are working there. my father used to work there until one day, he got paid. fired. rumor has it that the said company got reformated--whatever that means!?! oh well.... but if there'll be no jobs in gensan available, that'd probably have to be my last resort. as of now, i'm well.... weighing my options. i do have plans to take medical transcription though... it'll only be for 6 mos. i hear the pay is big... now, that's a different story. till then...

Cold Summer Night...

what does happiness mean exactly? does it mean enjoying your time hangin' out with your friends? Or just being yourself before the world? for me... i'd take the second choice. coz you can't enjoy your time with everyone if you're someone that you're not. i can't be myself when i'm around my family. because i'm never happy when i'm around them. they make me hate myself every second of every minute of every hour of my entire life. they just don't realize it. i've been planning to kill myself for over 3 months now. just can't get the right timing. oh well, my goal is within this month or the next perhaps.. being so unhappy with my life without anyone noticing it makes me feel so blue. just sitting around, watching tv alone the whole day is happy and enjoying to me. i wanna break free!!! be free of everything! like an eagle flying feet above the ground. i hate my life!!!!

every saturday night, my family and i go to church... all i pray is to die one day.... or to get sick causing my death... so it'd be a happily ever after for my family... besides, no one wants me around except for Niko.... 1 is not enough for a person like me... i need more.... i wish i die tomorrow...

First Rain Of The Month

First day, first rain of the month.... our family believes that the first rain of the month of May heals a lot of wounds. In other words, gamot daw. Anyway, my brother and me with Niko took a shower in the rain sa veranda. Ang saya-saya ni Niko! He really enjoyed the rain. I took a picture of him with kuya with the plant as their background. HAHAHAHA! COOL! I'll try to add the pictures here one of these days. As of now, we're still enjoying the rain! Chigum pi ga omnida!

Asar

I never thought our friendship would turn out this way. I mean he and I are close and real friends. It's just that he seems to avoid me now. That's because of the email my bitchy sister sent him. Akala niya cguro hindi ko alam lahat. For her information, lahat sa'min eh bulgar. We don't keep secrets from each other. But I'm not taking that privilege forgranted. I respect his privacy. I ask for his permission din. hehe