I finally met the guy who had all my written non-negotiable traits. Unfortunately, he turned out to be in love with someone else. What's even worst is that I even lied to him into making him think that I was in love with someone else. How awful can I get?
As I listen to him talking about his love for this girl, every word coming from him felt like a dagger to my heart. Part of me was screaming and telling me to say, "Please stop. It's too much.. I can no longer bear hearing your story. (and then just walk out)" Meanwhile, the other part just wants to keep listening to him say every little detail of it. I even gave him Lasagna and a book--that he intently returned for me to read first. haha. Funny thing was, I haven't really read the book that time, just thought of giving it to him instead. Hahaha... But I think that was my charm: to give something to people without even caring "what's in it" or "what's it all about".
This was the month that really struck me--the month that gave me Typhoid Fever for four excruciating days and made me feel more insignificant in the family. But this was also the saddest month that I have ever encountered in my life. I never thought I would find someone whom I could connect with in that certain level -- a godly level, the kind of friendship or chemistry wherein you've only met for a few weeks and feels like you've been friends for so long-- only to find out that that kind of love that I sought can not be mine. Or worst, can NEVER BE MINE.
I never intended to fall in love with him. It wasn't even part of the plan. It just happened. Slowly, as days gone by, I wasn't aware of what I was getting myself into. Love.
Nevertheless, I remain faithful to God and pray that things will work out between us just as it was like back then. Though I know that what was back then can never repeat itself the second time around. I'll still pray for things to come: friendship will rekindle and hopefully, our communication would return to how it was back then. 'Coz I really miss him. I miss talking to him, knowing how he's doing and the conversations we use to share. Please don't think of it the wrong way. It's just that, I haven't a single text from him since that day.
I hope he's doing well. If God hears my prayers one of these days, that'll be the best gift ever! For now, I'll just keep on waiting. Praying. And hoping for his return.
1 comment:
was it even really? might be just some infatuation
Post a Comment